weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
