Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
