This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
