if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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