I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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