so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
