How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
