just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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