Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
