so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
