Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

My sheets look like a crime scene.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

bitch so ugly she owes me an erection

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(206): View more from Washington

I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.

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(+91): View more from India

Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.

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(909): View more from California

He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.

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(708): View more from Illinois

I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away

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(757): View more from Virginia

do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress

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(212): View more from New York

he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..

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