Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
