i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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