Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
