Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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