This is not my ceiling
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
