Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
