my vag is so smooth its legendary
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
