I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
