It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
