If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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