This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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