It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
whose parrot is this?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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