I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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