So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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