Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
