yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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