ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
