Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
