In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
