i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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