Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize