Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
