Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
