I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
