sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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