WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
