It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
