I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
