My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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