I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
