and she was petting her beer can
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
