I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
