hotel room ftw
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
