Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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