when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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