Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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