I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
