Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
