there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
