Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
