I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
