Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize