just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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