He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
