You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
