Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
