I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
