how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
