I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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