Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize