And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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