Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
